Presentation Feedback

Dear Group members,


Please review my presentation and us the critique sheet. Dr. Archibald has provided to give me feedback so that I can improve the presentation.

Conference Notes

After writing the first five pages of my research paper and before talking to Dr. Archibald I thought that my paper was well written but wasn't well organized with the amount of information I included. I thought my paper did not flow well together and did not have good transition sentences. During the time that I talked to Dr. Archibald the main point that he suggested to me was that I should include more concrete examples of how pollution is affecting ordinary citizens in China. I should also include a story of a particular individual in the beginning of my paper. He mentioned that instead generalizing my topic at the beginning of my paper and then being specific, I should instead be specific by including a story or example and then generalize my topic. Dr. Archibald then suggested the order in which I discussed my topic in my paper; first I should include a detailed story of pollution, second discuss the controversy of pollution, and finally include the arguments that Chinese citizens are making about this issue. I now hope to find a lot more sources that contain stories of individuals who have been affected by this, this would then solve the problem of my paper being too general.

Sources for the 3ResProj

The first step I took in my research process was that I simply entered in my research topic, china pollution activism" into Google and found a couple of good sources on the first page of Google. Looking back now it probably would have helped if I used the Advanced Search on Google so I would be able to find more sources that pertained to my research topic. When looking on Google I found a website that seemed like it came from an organization that was dedicated on education people on environmental issues. This made me believe that this source was credible and had a lot of useful information and facts on pollution. This website helped me support my idea that pollution was a danger to the health of many individuals. On Google there were also some websites that I could not use in my paper because the source did not look credible and one website looked like it was just a blog versus a useful website. The next step I took in my research topic was that I tried to look up more sources in the Library Search on the Millersville homepage. Here I found mostly academic journals that gave examples of what the Chinese citizens are doing to help their living conditions due to the amount of pollution around them. Some of them even had information of why the government in China is not doing much to help the situation. While on the Library Search I also found some articles that were not that useful because it mostly contained information that was too complicated and involved to add in my research paper.

Conference Notes

Before meeting with Dr Archibald I thoght that my main topic would be about deforestation or harming the environment in general and the solutions there were to this issue. Later on, after the meeting, I discovered that my topic had to be more specific and instead of a general topic I should focus in on a country that had an issue that delt with Ecology. During the meeting I found a specific topic, which was pollution in China. I also found what things I should include in my research paper. Some of these things being, the risks of pollution, the people involved, the consequences, and the ways to improve it. Also, I learned that I should mention what the citizens in China or in a specific province are doing to solve this issue of pollution. Finally, I also discovered my main thesis that I should be focusing on which is that pollution is an issue that every individual should be concerned about because of whats happening in China and in these people's lives, so we should support their attempt to reduce the amount of pollution around them and in the world.

ResProj paper ideas

Idea #1:
"Individuals need to be informed about the issues of the environment, and finally every person needs to be educated on how to make progress and how to change the current circumstances in the environment."

Idea #2:
"Muir thought that using the environment to create products or goods would be disastrous because of the fact that it would not allow individuals to enjoy nature and have a place where they could have peace."

 Idea #3
"The primary difference though is the fact that in the late 20th century this author introduces the idea that the issue of ecology or the environment not only has to be dealt within one’s country like Muir originally thought but in turn it has to be a global effort."

• After reading these quotes from my 2Syn paper what do you think about these topic ideas?
• Do you understand what I am getting at? which one sounds best to use for the 3ResProj? Why? 

Integrating Sources

First Integrated Source: example #1
            Muir thought that using the environment to create products or goods would be disastrous because of the fact that it would not allow individuals to enjoy nature and have a place where they could have peace. 

In Muir’s speech “The National Parks and Forest Reservations” he states “When I first saw Yosemite, and read the notices posted by the State Commissioners, forbidding the cutting or marring the beauty in any way of the trees and shrubs, etc., I said, ‘How fine it is that this grand valley has been made a park, for the enjoyment of all the world!’”.

Here Muir discusses his joy when he discovers that this landscape has been reserved so that others would be able to enjoy its beauty.

Second Integrated Source: example #2
         The reason this has changed is because with the coming years each nation is becoming more interdependent on each other and is affected by other countries’ actions, so on issues such Ecology each state has to do its part to fix this global issue.

In William Langeweische’s article he talks about an international organization that has made many attempts to eliminate pollution especially due to Shipbreaking, here he says “For many years it had been involved in a fight to stop the export of toxic wastes from rich countries to poor- a struggle that prohibition, now in effect, to which the European Union nations had agreed.”.

When speaking of Shipbreaking, it is viewed as a global issue because of the fact that many nations are often involved in this act; numerous ships from other countries are sold to beaches such a Alang so that others can dispose of them. Shibreaking has been a major international business and therefore has to be dealt with internationally, as any issue of ecology.

First paragraph of my 2Syn paper

The views on Ecology in the past are clearly seen in John Muir’s written speech called “The National Parks and Forest Reservations”. This article discusses the struggles Muir faces in his efforts to conserve the United States’ national forests. What Muir didn’t consider was the fact that when trying to make real progress in the environment there has to be a global understanding and participation. This realistic outlook on this issue is discussed in the article The Shipbreakers by William Langeweische.

After reading this first paragraph what do you think my paper is about?