Presentation Feedback

Dear Group members,


Please review my presentation and us the critique sheet. Dr. Archibald has provided to give me feedback so that I can improve the presentation.

Conference Notes

After writing the first five pages of my research paper and before talking to Dr. Archibald I thought that my paper was well written but wasn't well organized with the amount of information I included. I thought my paper did not flow well together and did not have good transition sentences. During the time that I talked to Dr. Archibald the main point that he suggested to me was that I should include more concrete examples of how pollution is affecting ordinary citizens in China. I should also include a story of a particular individual in the beginning of my paper. He mentioned that instead generalizing my topic at the beginning of my paper and then being specific, I should instead be specific by including a story or example and then generalize my topic. Dr. Archibald then suggested the order in which I discussed my topic in my paper; first I should include a detailed story of pollution, second discuss the controversy of pollution, and finally include the arguments that Chinese citizens are making about this issue. I now hope to find a lot more sources that contain stories of individuals who have been affected by this, this would then solve the problem of my paper being too general.

Sources for the 3ResProj

The first step I took in my research process was that I simply entered in my research topic, china pollution activism" into Google and found a couple of good sources on the first page of Google. Looking back now it probably would have helped if I used the Advanced Search on Google so I would be able to find more sources that pertained to my research topic. When looking on Google I found a website that seemed like it came from an organization that was dedicated on education people on environmental issues. This made me believe that this source was credible and had a lot of useful information and facts on pollution. This website helped me support my idea that pollution was a danger to the health of many individuals. On Google there were also some websites that I could not use in my paper because the source did not look credible and one website looked like it was just a blog versus a useful website. The next step I took in my research topic was that I tried to look up more sources in the Library Search on the Millersville homepage. Here I found mostly academic journals that gave examples of what the Chinese citizens are doing to help their living conditions due to the amount of pollution around them. Some of them even had information of why the government in China is not doing much to help the situation. While on the Library Search I also found some articles that were not that useful because it mostly contained information that was too complicated and involved to add in my research paper.

Conference Notes

Before meeting with Dr Archibald I thoght that my main topic would be about deforestation or harming the environment in general and the solutions there were to this issue. Later on, after the meeting, I discovered that my topic had to be more specific and instead of a general topic I should focus in on a country that had an issue that delt with Ecology. During the meeting I found a specific topic, which was pollution in China. I also found what things I should include in my research paper. Some of these things being, the risks of pollution, the people involved, the consequences, and the ways to improve it. Also, I learned that I should mention what the citizens in China or in a specific province are doing to solve this issue of pollution. Finally, I also discovered my main thesis that I should be focusing on which is that pollution is an issue that every individual should be concerned about because of whats happening in China and in these people's lives, so we should support their attempt to reduce the amount of pollution around them and in the world.

ResProj paper ideas

Idea #1:
"Individuals need to be informed about the issues of the environment, and finally every person needs to be educated on how to make progress and how to change the current circumstances in the environment."

Idea #2:
"Muir thought that using the environment to create products or goods would be disastrous because of the fact that it would not allow individuals to enjoy nature and have a place where they could have peace."

 Idea #3
"The primary difference though is the fact that in the late 20th century this author introduces the idea that the issue of ecology or the environment not only has to be dealt within one’s country like Muir originally thought but in turn it has to be a global effort."

• After reading these quotes from my 2Syn paper what do you think about these topic ideas?
• Do you understand what I am getting at? which one sounds best to use for the 3ResProj? Why? 

Integrating Sources

First Integrated Source: example #1
            Muir thought that using the environment to create products or goods would be disastrous because of the fact that it would not allow individuals to enjoy nature and have a place where they could have peace. 

In Muir’s speech “The National Parks and Forest Reservations” he states “When I first saw Yosemite, and read the notices posted by the State Commissioners, forbidding the cutting or marring the beauty in any way of the trees and shrubs, etc., I said, ‘How fine it is that this grand valley has been made a park, for the enjoyment of all the world!’”.

Here Muir discusses his joy when he discovers that this landscape has been reserved so that others would be able to enjoy its beauty.

Second Integrated Source: example #2
         The reason this has changed is because with the coming years each nation is becoming more interdependent on each other and is affected by other countries’ actions, so on issues such Ecology each state has to do its part to fix this global issue.

In William Langeweische’s article he talks about an international organization that has made many attempts to eliminate pollution especially due to Shipbreaking, here he says “For many years it had been involved in a fight to stop the export of toxic wastes from rich countries to poor- a struggle that prohibition, now in effect, to which the European Union nations had agreed.”.

When speaking of Shipbreaking, it is viewed as a global issue because of the fact that many nations are often involved in this act; numerous ships from other countries are sold to beaches such a Alang so that others can dispose of them. Shibreaking has been a major international business and therefore has to be dealt with internationally, as any issue of ecology.

First paragraph of my 2Syn paper

The views on Ecology in the past are clearly seen in John Muir’s written speech called “The National Parks and Forest Reservations”. This article discusses the struggles Muir faces in his efforts to conserve the United States’ national forests. What Muir didn’t consider was the fact that when trying to make real progress in the environment there has to be a global understanding and participation. This realistic outlook on this issue is discussed in the article The Shipbreakers by William Langeweische.

After reading this first paragraph what do you think my paper is about?

What is a Synthesis?

As I researched the meaning of synthesis and how to go about writing a synthesis paper I gathered that it consists of combining the summarization of two sources. The website I found that discussed synthesis papers later goes on to say that in order to make it well written it would need to have meaning and have a clear thesis. It also mentions that when you summarize the two sources it is important to gather themes that often occur in both of the documents. But as another source mentions, it is vital that you fully understand all of your documents before you make conclusions or make connections. Then finally organize the information and always keep in mind the common themes you found.

            In my own synthesis paper I plan on first summarizing the new document which discussed the issue of pollution from shipbreaking, this would give the reader a better understanding of the two documents I’m writing about. I hope to then compare some common themes throughout both of the documents and also contrast some of the ideas. This would give a basis of how the issue of ecology has changed throughout the years.
            Later on I would create a thesis that would describe my own ideas of how to have a sustainable plan for the earth, and then elaborate on why the ideas of the environment have changed compared to today’s era. Some of the reasons I plan on explaining are that compared to the idealistic view of John Muir, now people have realized that the issues of the environment not only have to be dealt within one’s country but also globally. In order to address environmental issues there are also cultural and financial barriers that need to be discussed when trying to make progress. In the concluding paragraph I would then reiterate my thesis statement and briefly repeat the main points of my report.

Synthesis Writing- http://users.drew.edu/~sjamieso/Synthesis.htm
Introduction to Synthesis- https://www.msu.edu/~jdowell/135/Synthesis.html

Insights from reading the new document

In reading both of my documents, John Muir’s speech and the article on Shipbreaking, I have learned many things. While I found many comparisons between the two I have also found some differences. One of them being that although they both deal with environmental issues the previous document discussed preserving the environment and transforming it into places where individuals can go and enjoy the beauty. By contrast the more current document talks about the horrid act of Shipbreaking which creates major pollution. Another difference I found while reading both of the articles was than while conserving the environment for its natural beauty is important, the effect of not doing so does not result in any physical harm to other individuals. Shipbreaking, because of the pollution and the dangers of this job, does in fact inflict physical harm and may even cause death. The issue of pollution due to ship ‘recycling’ seems to have received international attention from many northern European countries. The matter of conservation, however, seemed to be a topic only being discussed within one’s country due to the fact that it only pertained to the individuals within a nation rather than international.

One common idea I found in these two papers was that they both discussed of one individual or a group of people that made the effort to make an environmental issue known. In addition, they both mention the success these individuals achieved after a long process of trying make the issue known. The two individuals, John Muir and the writer of the article named William Langeweische, describe the images they saw in nature as a response to the pollution and the sheep herding. Overall I believe I learned many things while comparing and contrasting these two documents and the most important comparison is that these two individuals seemed to take a great interest in a certain topic that significantly impacted the environment around us.

Revising the 1Report Assignment

          By reading the example paper and reading the three reports from the people in our class I realized that there are many things I need to improve on in order to turn in a Final Draft. Some of them were little details that I forgot to add such as the page numbers at the end and also maybe inserting more parenthetical citations were they correspond. In addition, I need to fix some grammatical errors that sometimes appeared throughout my paper.
            I also think that my paper is more focused on the biography of John Muir and the ideas he had on Ecology. Instead I think I need to summarize more of the letter or document he wrote which was intended for the organization he created, called The Sierra Club. I hope to focus more on the content of his document. Then later talk about what he says his ideas were on the field of Ecology during the length of the letter.
            While I was at the writing center to review my paper the reviewer said that I had a lot of information which was beneficial to my paper, however, she thought that I should focus more on Muir's ideas of Ecology through his eyes instead of just writing a biography or plainly stating the ideas. The reviewer also pointed out that many times during my paper I used the word 'also' which signified that I had to either use an alternative word or simply eliminate it from my paper.
           I also noticed that many of the comments people added while reviewing other individuals' paper's were about needing to rephrase a sentence because it didn't make sense or it was too wordy, which might be something I need to change in my own paper. Overall I think there are little details that I need fix throughout my paper and more importantly I need to focus more on summarizing the document at the begging of my paper and continually mention it during the whole length of my report.

They Say/ I Say--response 1

          Many people often view the natural environment as something that can be used only to produce goods or even just to create new housing. The thought of even using it for anything else may even seem laughable. Some think that by conserving nature for enjoyment would be a waste of time. Instead, a number of individuals believe that by using our natural surroundings for personal gain is harmless. So they continue to plow down forest and different environmental habitats. For example, in 1913 many people voted to have a damn built in the Hetch Hetchy Valley of Yosemite National Park, believing that it would create a great water system for the city of San Francisco. People like John Muir on the other hand tried to take a stand and prevent the destruction of this valley.

            Others believe that the devastation of any of the national environment would be detrimental to our civilization. If we continue to diminish the environment there would be no natural beauty left to enjoy. Conserving our environment would also conserve every individual’s culture, making each person’s natural terrain part of their identity and where they came from. If we loose these things we are also loosing an essential part of each person’s history. John Muir also believed that often spending time in nature made you closer to God. Nature can often give you a sense of peace and can disconnect an individual from their daily lives. In addition, if we continue to eliminate different natural habitats the animals that live in them will slowly die off, having a harmful effect on the natural food chain. This would be a harmful act to our daily lives. If people realize the wonderful qualities the environment has to offer they will also see that using it for personal gains and diminishing its beauty would be a horrid and remorseful act.  

Ecology and John Muir

       For my research topic I choose Ecology. The reason in which i choose this topic was because I always found it interesting how throughout the years, and more prominently in the resent decades, scientist have taken a closer look at hour organisms react and live in their own environments.
       Many influential people in the field of Ecology also took a look at how humans affect the nature around them and also how humans are able to thrive with minimal advances of technology and in turn enjoy and take advantage of their own natural environments. This revolutionary idea during these individuals era greatly impacted thisscientific field and as a result had influences many aspects on how we see our environment and also our impact on it.
       The way in which I went about researching my topic, I fist tried to find some websites to gather some background knowledge on Ecology. I also tried to find some information that contained any controversy on the topic of Ecology in general and some controversy that some individuals in the field of Ecology had to deal with.
        As I started researching and reading some information I found people that were associated with Ecology and the impact they had on this field. Later, during my research I found a website that talked about the biography of one influential person in this science field.
        Some links I found during my research was a website from the organization that John Muir fist started and I thought would be very useful towards my report. I also found a website that contained a list of individuals that influenced the field of Ecology, the website was called Pajarito Environmental Education Center. Then I found another site called The Environment, A Global Challenge that described the challenge John Muir had to deal with.